Monday, April 20, 2009

Confessions of a Fag Hag -- Chapter 1

"Let us now stand and sing together hymn number 83, 'O Love, How
Deep, How Broad, How High' . . ." Professor Briggs announced at the close
of his sermon. I couldn't help but snigger under my breath as I thought of
my friend Julia's game where you add "between the sheets" to the end of
hymn titles. Behind me, Drew flicked me on the back of the head and I
threw him a coy look, as I knew he was probably going down that road too.
He put his finger over his lips and pointed forward so I would stop
laughing and sing, and I quickly threw him the bird over the back of the
pew so no one around would see how irreverent I was being in chapel. Drew
rested the cover of his hymnal on the back of my head and sang louder, so I
swallowed my giggles and tried to find where they were in the hymn.

"All glory to our Lord and God for love so deep, so high, so broad,
the Trinity whom we adore for ever and forever more," and it was finished,
phew! I didn't think I'd make it without guffawing out loud. Especially
on that last verse. "Peace be with you," Dr. Briggs closed out the
service, "And also with you," we all intoned in return. Then the customary
hugs and handshaking began. I stepped out of my pew and began greeting
those in front of me, including Julia, who was winking at me too. Just as
I was about to give her a hug, someone grabbed the top loop on my backpack
and lifted me off the ground enough to make me stand on tiptoes. I threw a
fake chagrinned look over my shoulder at, of course, Drew, and the three of
us walked outside.

"Julia, you nearly got me in such trouble in there!" I smiled at

Laughing, she wrapped an arm around Drew, leaning in close to him.
She was about five inches shorter, just tall enough to rest her head on his
shoulder. Ah she makes me so jealous sometimes!

"Yeah, Diana nearly got herself evicted from chapel this morning,"
he laughed, hugging her closer to him, "Just think what Dr. Briggs would
have said when he asked why she had been laughing, 'Between the sheets?
What sheets?'"

"No, no," I responded, "I would have played it off and said I was
laughing with joy."

"Joy? Mmm hmmm," Drew coyly responded, "You're looking forward to
your weekend with Matt, admit it," he nudged me, nearly tripping Julia on
the other side of him. I blushed.

"Ooh, what are you doing this weekend, Diana?" Julia asked, winking
at me.

"Oh, just horse-sitting is all," I quietly responded, trying to
stop blushing, while giving Drew a nasty, 'don't you dare' type of look.

"But who's Matt?" Julia continued pushing. Damn, Drew did have to
say his name, and I couldn't say it was one of the horses . . . Why not go
ahead and be honest, I thought.

"Matt's this guy I met online. He seems nice and all, and we've
been talking for a while, and gone out in groups a couple of times . . ."

"And he's quite cute, I must admit," Drew interrupted, while I
stuck my tongue out at him. Ah to have a male friend I can compare guys
with, I thought to myself, the joys of being a 'fag-hag.'

"Anyway, he seems safe enough, and since I'll be at my friend
Lila's ranch feeding her horses while she and her husband are up in New
Jersey getting a new guide-dog, I thought I'd invite him down on Saturday

You could see that Julia had so many questions, but wasn't sure if
we had the time to talk. We were approaching the student center and I
didn't have a class next, but Drew did, so he excused himself saying, "See
you ladies at lunch, right?" and walked up the hill to the building.

"Do you have some time, Julia? I'll explain further, as I seem to
have confused you," I smiled at her.

She looked toward the empty picnic table, walked over, and sat
down, patting the seat next to her. I jumped up beside her, and she leaned
her head against mine. "Do tell, girl, sounds like you've got an exciting
weekend ahead." Just then, Austin walked up and sat on the other side of
me, leaning on me from the other side.

"Ah, a threesome!" I smiled at them as I threw my arms around their

Austin responded, "Naked?" and I laughed, but Julia looked a little
abashed. Typical Austin, putting in her favorite word whenever she got the

"Anyway," I continued, "I don't know if I've mentioned my friend
Lila before, but she and I are high-school buddies. The only high-school
friend I still keep up with, actually. Anyway, Lila runs a horse farm
about an hour-and-a-half away, and I love visiting to see the baby horses.
She's blind, and her guide-dog is getting old, so they are retiring him and
have gone up to the guide-dog school to get a new one."

"But who's this Matt?" Julia asked.

"Matt?" Austin jumped in, "A boy?" she excitedly added.

I couldn't help but blush. "Yeah, he's this guy I met online. I
know, I know, it's weird, but admit it, Crystal met her boyfriend Judah
online, and so did Elsie and Theo. Both of those couples are very happy."

"I'm just worried about your safety, Diana," Julia responded. "I
know you are careful and all, but inviting him to your friend's, way out in
the country, where you two will be alone?"

"Like I said, we've been seeing each other in public for a while
now, and he seems alright. We get along really well. And anyway, Drew
suggested it, and I know Drew wouldn't suggest something he thought was
dangerous. After all, he's checked out the profile of every guy who I've
talked to online, and gone with me when we met at Starbucks or wherever and
sat a few tables away, checking him out." Austin grinned slyly. "Not that
way, well, okay, maybe, checking him out for me though, not for himself."

"Doesn't mean they weren't good eye-candy." She smiled back, while
Julia grimaced at her.

"True, but anyway, now's the time to move a little further, without
my 'big brother' and I've promised to call him and check-in that night.
I'm okay with this. Please don't worry about me."

Julia, trying to look less worried and more supportive, responded,
"Well, when are you leaving, lover-girl?"

"Tonight, 'cause Lila has to leave early for New Jersey. I'll have
dinner with her and her husband, then she'll show me the ropes tonight and
in the morning, so that I know what to do with all the horses."

"Will you be okay with those big horses? I don't mean to be
pointing out your height or anything, and I'm sure you've taken that into
consideration, but I just would be worried they wouldn't see you or listen
to you," Austin asked.

"I think I'll be fine. She's got it set up so I can reach
everything I need, and I've helped her herd the horses around many a time
when I've gone to see the foals. Also, remember, back in '99 I lived on a
huge horse ranch in Texas, 75 horses! I often had to take care of them by
myself when the owner had to go away on business. It went just fine. Hard
work though! I know I wouldn't want to do it every day."

"Well, good luck, and be careful. I've got to run to class," Julia
said, standing up and giving me a hug. It almost seemed she lingered a
second longer. Was it because she was worried about me? Or was it my
imagination. Austin stood up too, and we walked up to the student center


Ok, ok, time to say a little about me. As you have figured out, my
name is Diana, Diana Wimples. I'm 29-years-old and in my final year at
seminary. I've been raised in one of the most conservative churches
around, the Assemblies of God, but a few years ago, actually when I moved
to Texas to the horse ranch, I began exploring my spirituality. Ever
since, I've been opening myself up to new ideas and new experiences, and as
I begin to consider them, they seem to find me. For example, I became
Presbyterian, and came to the seminary. Up until that time, I had been in
the mindset that one never talked about or thought about one's sexuality,
so, in essence, I was a prude. Then, I met my best friends Jess, Drew, and
Priscilla. These "liberated" folks soon began to in turn teach me how to
be "liberated" about such things, so here I am today, meeting guys online
and inviting them to far-off vacation dream houses for an afternoon of fun
and excitement. Ok, ok, so Lila's ranch isn't quite the Tahiti I imagined,
but maybe a little excitement would be in store? I'll admit it though; I'm
scared to death, as I've never gone down this road before. Anyway, not
only am I being made less and less prude-like by my friends, my best friend
in the whole world, whom I will admit, I also had a huge crush on, came out
to me a few weeks ago. Yep, he's gay. That would be Drew for you. I will
admit, it didn't surprise me as much as he expected it would. I mean, when
a guy rents "Queer as Folk," and goes to the only gay-and-lesbian accepting
church in town, alone, twice, one begins to question whether he is straight
or not. He had been putting off going out with me for a year, and when he
came out, it brought it all into focus. So now, instead of the passionate
romantic relationship I had been dreaming of, I instead get to be his
fag-hag, i.e. the female best friend of a gay man. And, I'll admit, I love
every minute of it and wouldn't change it for anything. I just wish I
could duplicate him as a straight man, for he treats me the way I wish
every man would - with respect and as a whole person. For, you see, I'm a
little different than some. I'm only 4' tall, and that throws off a lot of
guys. They either are afraid of me all together, when it comes to dating
and the idea of sleeping with me at some point in the future, or they want
to go back to their buddies and say they fucked a dwarf. I am not going to
be a totem to notch onto the dick-sized conquest pole of some chauvinistic
pig, no thank you. So, that's me, Diana. Let's get back to the events at


That night, Drew came by as I was packing to go to Lila's. "When
do you have to be there?" he asked.

"Dinner is around 7, and they bring the horses in for the night
around 9, so I'll leave here about 6."

"So you've got about an hour. Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Actually, yeah. I'm almost terrified."

"Why? Do you really think he'll want to do more than just see the
ranch? Oh wait, he's a guy, he'll want to do more than just see the ranch."
Drew smiled. "Seriously though, what scares you?"

"You know I feel like I can tell you anything. And you know this
will be my first time. You, who are gay and in the minority, have had much
more experience with sex than I've ever been offered," I smiled at him.

"Well, I kinda went looking for it. You've been raised a prude,
remember?" He laughed.

"Yeah, and boy did you find it," I smiled coyly at him. "Anyway,
was it scary for you the first time, or did things come natural?"

"It wasn't really scary, I'd say, but more trial and error. We
figured out what to do quickly enough. I think you'll be just fine.
Everything should be in fine working order, right?" He smiled. I looked
nervously at him. "Are you worried because of the height differential?"
Leave it to Drew to be honest, and make me be just as honest too.

"Yeah, actually, a little. I'm afraid he'll laugh at me, or when
he sees me in my full glory . . ." Drew shivered at the thought, ah gay
men, "that he'll change his mind. I . . .I always hoped I'd be able to do
it my first time with someone I trust, someone I know wouldn't hurt me.
Someone who'd be gentle and understanding. Someone like you."

Drew blushed, "I've worried about that, actually. I know you've
said you've gotten closure on your feelings for me . . ."

"How could I not, you're gay, after all, that kinda puts a halt to
that kind of thing," I interrupted.

"Yeah, true, but I still see it in your eyes, the kinda thing you
just said."

"What, that I wish I could sleep with you?" Ack, I can't believe I
just said that! I blushed and turned away. I heard Drew stand up from
sitting on my bed and walk over. I was about to break out in tears when he
placed his hand on my shoulder, turned me around, and lifted my chin with
his other hand, while he got down on his knees to be at eye level.

"Diana, it's okay, but you know that I can't. If I could help you,
I would, but it just grosses me out so, to even think of having sex with a
woman. It's not you!" he quickly added, as he saw the tears welling up in
my eyes.

"I know, I know," I began to sob, resting my forehead on his
shoulder. I wanted so badly to run, fast, but knew this was important. "I
just, just. Argh, I'm such a loser!"

"No, Diana, you are not." Drew took my head in both his hands,
pulled me back from his shoulder and kissed me on the forehead. Knowing
Drew not to be an overly emotionally expressive person, I knew he was
feeling my pain. "I know that there is someone out there for you. It's
just not me, hon. I love being such close friends with you but you need to
not be afraid of stepping out into other relationships. I think you can
trust Matt to go at your pace, to listen to your needs, and to not
purposefully hurt you. It may be a little awkward at first, and it may
even hurt, but you two will figure it out. Anyway, if he does anything
wrong to you at all, he knows he'll have the wrath of Drew on his hands.
And I'm bigger than he is anyway." Drew smiled at me, and I couldn't help
but smile back as I wiped away my tears, and he embraced me in one of his
big warm bear hugs.


On the way to Lila's, about an hour drive, I couldn't help but
think forward to Matt's visit the next day. But at the same time, I
couldn't get Julia out of my head. Today, when she hugged me, she almost
didn't seem to want to let me go. Like I had hurt her by telling her I was
spending time with Matt. What was up with that? I mean, I know Julia and
I have spent some wonderful times together, but was she just concerned for
my safety? Or was there something else. She is such the flirt with the
boys, especially Drew, but it is all for show. When it comes down to it,
she'd not take any of them out. We've talked long about our possible
prospects. Come to think of it, when it's just the two of us visiting over
at her place, she's always very close and clingy. I've always just thought
that's the type of friend she is, kind of like Austin, who jokes about
being a lesbian, and pretends to flirt like one, but definitely isn't one.
What's up with Julia? And what does that mean to me, it shouldn't mean
anything! But then, ever since Drew came out to me and finally put a
strong closure on the lingering hopes that I still had that we might
actually end up together, even though I knew better, I've been mighty
confused myself. Before Drew, I'd been attracted to guys in a mental way,
but the physical aspect of things just plain grossed me out, kinda like his
attitude toward sleeping with girls. But I'm not really attracted to girls
either . . .

Then it hit me. 'Oh my God!' I shouted to the dark roadway in
front of me. 'Oh my God!' Lila. When Lila lived close, before we moved to
Texas, I'd look forward to spending weekends with her. To seeing her and
the horses, but also to our intimate late night talks in her room, in her
double bed, surrounded by her guide dog Jake and her little yappy puppy
Tart. Then, living alone at the time, when she needed a place to stay, I
invited her to move in with me. And, as time went by, first she stayed in
the other room, then she moved her cot next to mine, and many nights, we'd
sit together in my bed, before going to sleep, holding each other close and
talking of the future. When she got the offer to live in Texas, I went
with her. But then, she hated Texas, I loved it, and she came back home
while I remained, and we became distant. For me, yes, I enjoyed those
nights, but it scared the hell out of this little conservative prude, so I
pushed her away. Now that she's married, she's safe, and we've never
talked about it. But, even though nothing "happened," it still happened.
I nearly broke into tears, and pulled over off the side of the road for a
moment. I don't think I'm a lesbian, I thought to myself, but damn, I wish
I could figure out what I am. Ah well, let's see what happens tomorrow
with Matt, I finally convinced myself, almost having a panic attack right
then and there, and pulled back onto the dark highway.


"Hey there!" Matt said, sauntering up the drive in his sexy way. The dogs
were barking in the back yard, but I ignored them, my heart racing a little
faster at the sight of him. Damn, but he definitely is cute. As he
reached me, he bent down and wrapped me in a hug, kissing the top of my
head. I hugged him back hard.

"I'm so glad you came," I said, blushing.

"Were you afraid I wouldn't?" he asked.

"No, not that, I've just had a lot on my mind," damn last night, I thought
to myself, "And it is fabulous to see your smiling face. It makes
everything else seem insignificant."

He smiled warmly back, "Well, I'm glad you're that happy to see me. Seems
these dogs are happy about it too, can you introduce me?" he said, grabbing
my hand and leading me over to the fence.

We patted the dogs and I took him around back, showing him the horses and
admiring how he knew how to greet them and keep them from being nervous.
My favorite, Beauty, even began nudging his back pocket.

"Seems she's figured out my secret," Matt smiled, as he pulled out a ziploc
full of carrots and began handing them out.

"I'm so glad you like horses," I smiled up at him, "Even though I don't
have any, they are still important to me."

He reached down and pecked me on the forehead again, and I about jumped out
of my skin as I realized that suddenly, I wanted this man. I'd thought
about it, and fantasized about it. I wanted to experience it, and with him.
He must have seen the change in my eyes, for he took my hand and led me to
the barn.

"Give me a tour of in here," he coyly said, putting a foot on the bottom
rung of the hay ladder, and picking me up, set me a few rungs above him.
He lightly slapped me on the ass and said, "Up we go!" and up I went,
glancing back down at him to see if he was following.

We got to the top and I walked toward the stacks of hay. Loose hay was
scattered around, and a tarp was lying on the floor. I pointed to the
loft, stated the obvious, "This is the hay loft," and sat down on the tarp,
leaning my back against a stack of bales. The hay poked a little, but
overall, it made a good cushion to lean against. Matt, smiling his
beautiful smile, got down on the tarp in front of me, and leaned in,
kissing me full on the lips. I hadn't kissed a man, ever, just boys in 3rd
grade, so I tried to dismiss the thoughts of "What do I do!" and just went
with the feeling.

I reached my hands up around the back of his neck, and he put his hands on
my shoulder blades. Warm, soft hands; warm soft lips. He pressed in a
little harder, and I opened my mouth. Taking the invitation, he stuck his
tongue in and began exploring. My tongue touched his, and I shivered. He
felt it, and pulled me closer, and I could feel my heart pounding in my
chest, and my breasts pressing against his own pounding heart. He pulled
back and I reached up, caressing his ear as he began to gently nibble on
mine, rubbing my back. I kissed the side of his face, and then nuzzled
into his neck as he worked his lips around my own face. He moved forward
to my collarbone and I let out an involuntary groan. Smiling, he kissed me
again, and this time, I attempted to explore his mouth with my own tongue,
while I felt his hands moving down my sides. I shivered again and placed
my hands on his chest, rubbing down to his stomach. Going down a little
further, I could feel that his pants were swollen, and I gave a small gasp,
wherein he chuckled lightly.

I stopped kissing him, resting my head on his shoulder and said, "I'm
scared, please be gentle."

"We'll move at your pace, don't worry. I only want to make you happy," he
breathed into my ear, while lifting my shirt.

I raised my arms, and he pulled it off. I gave another involuntary shiver
at the slight chill, and he cupped my breasts, still in my bra, in his
hands. I reached up, unhooking it, and he reached down, kissing the spot
between them. His warm, soft tongue reached out, and slowly began moving
in a circle around the outside of my right breast. As he spiraled inward,
I couldn't help but gasp, when he took my breast in his mouth and suckled a
little. My body impulsively rocked forward against his as a tingle flowed
down through me, and I could feel the bulge in his pants pressing against
me. He moved to the next breast, while massaging my back, and I unbuttoned
his shirt, massaging his lightly hairy chest in return. He moved his hands
down my back, reaching under my pants and cupping my buttocks. I mimicked
him, doing the same, and felt him slightly tense at my touch, pressing
himself forward into me again, his swelling cock pushing into my stomach.

He reached back, pulling his shirt off, and unbuttoned his pants, standing
up. I stood up with him, my face just above his waist level, and pulled
them down, revealing a very eager dick. I had seen men naked in pictures
and in movies, but never face to face, and it was scarily beautiful. His
pink cock pointed forward, straight towards my chin, so I did what I
thought was the best thing at the moment, I leaned forward and took it in
my mouth, making him gasp. Putting aside the idea that I was doing
something perverse, I reminded myself that I wanted to make him feel
wonderful, so I tried to figure out how best to do that. Holding his cock
in my mouth, I felt the warmth of it, imagined if it were me what would I
want, and ran my tongue around the end, around the shaft, and pulled a
little on it with my mouth. He gasped again, put his hands on the back of
my head, and tried not to push me backwards in his eagerness. Soon, he was
literally dancing on his tiptoes, and I tasted a sweet, musty taste on my
tongue. I worked faster, realizing he was about to cum, but he pulled be
back, saying, "Not yet." I reached forward with my hands, taking his cock
into them and stroking it gently, and then let it slide out of them as he
returned to his knees. Still standing before him, I allowed him to pull
off my own pants, and jumped as he began to explore me with his mouth in

I bent over him, curling my upper body around the top of his head, and
gasped as his warm tongue explored. I was still scared, but my body was
rejoicing. He gently pushed me back and down, cradling me in his arms as
he lowered me to the tarp, and leaned over me. He continued to explore
with his tongue, and I could not help but curl my knees up, curling and
uncurling my toes as I let out small moans. Up until now, any excitement I
had had was at my own doing, and I'd taught myself to be quiet. Now, I
knew it would mean more to him were I to express myself, so I explored
letting my feelings come out in sound. He massaged my breasts, and when I
felt I could not take it any longer, I placed my hands on his forehead,
pushed it up so his eyes looked over my stomach up at me, and said, "I'm
ready, boy am I ready. Fuck me now before I scream!" I smiled at him.

He got up on his knees above me, and then straddled me, one knee on each
side, resting on his elbows. His face was level with mine, but my torso
was a bit shorter than his. Not letting this deter him, he kissed me, my
scent on his lips, his scent on mine, and then cupped my back in his hands,
turning us both on our sides. He pushed himself up, putting my head at his
chest, where I kissed his nipples. Reaching his hands down, he first ran a
finger over my swollen clit, and then guided his warm dick down the folds
of my labia. Gasping, I shivered, and then, gasped louder as he pressed
himself into me. I gripped him tightly, afraid at the new sensation, at the
slight pain it caused, then gritted my teeth, as I wanted him to continue,
and to not be afraid he was hurting me. After all, the first time is
supposed to hurt a little, right? He pushed on and after the initial
shock, my body gripped his cock, I relaxed my muscles and we moved in
rhythm. He went slowly, knowing I was scared, and I couldn't help
trembling. The sensation was overwhelming, and I tensed and relaxed my
muscles in rhythm to his movement. Every time I contracted my muscles, he
gave a little gasp of pleasure, and so I continued. As he worked to cum, I
suddenly came first, and chills ran up and down my body. I slowed my
movements in order to enjoy the moment, then pushed him over onto his back,
working my own body over his, straddling him as best I could, and he
tensed, groaning in ecstasy, then released, and I felt the warmth of his
release filling me, and experienced a second orgasm. I moved a few moments
more, to extend it for the both of us as best I could, then relaxed on his
chest, feeling his warm cock within me slowly subsiding. He pulled me up
to him, removing his dick from me at the same time, it's warmth sliding out
of me, and kissed me, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I could smell the
exertion on his breath, and I returned the embrace. Soon enough, too soon,
he fell back from the kiss, relaxing, stroking me on the back, and
eventually even that slowed. He twitched a little in that moment of just
falling asleep, and soon I could feel his chest rising evenly and slowly
beneath me, and his breathing was deeper. I slid myself down to his chest
again, resting my head on his shoulder, his relaxed dick touching my thigh,
and soon fell asleep myself, dreaming of real-life sexual encounters, with
a real-life man, instead of the fantasy ones that I had been making up for
the past 15 years.

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