It was a warm night, I left open the balcony door for some breezes. I was
in bed, lying on my side, thinking about what happened earlier on in the
bathroom, and something else, a night of my high school years which I'd
stored in my memory archive until now.
It was the day my parents and grand parents organised a party to celebrate
my excellent High School Certificate results, which allowed me to enter The
Law Faculty in the University of Sydney. I wanted to go to the Schoolie
Parties in Gold Coast, but my over protective parents did not like the easy
availibility of drugs at the Schoolie Parties, so, I stayed behind. The
only other classmate didn't get to go was my best friend Benjamin Miller,
the goal keeper of our soccer team. His reason for staying behind was
twofold, the lack of money, and, his HSC results were not high enough for
admission into The Law Faculty. He was a scholarship student in my school,
one of those high fees snobbish private schools that your required parents
to fork out several thousands of dollars each term. It was a great
disappointment to him and his single parent mother. Our teachers and I
were all surprised at his below par results, as he had been the high
achiever during all the years. He told me going to University and study
Arts wasn't an option for him, the only choice would be joining the
workforce, to ease the financial burden of his mother. We invited him to
My parents and grand parents felt sorry for Ben, we went out of our way to
keep the celebration low key. We booked a private room in one of the
Chinese restaurant in China Town, all in all eight of us. When we finished
our dinner, Ben and I decided we should go to some discos for a boys' night
out. I remembered we ended up in Kings Cross, we were dragged into a
couple of sleazy strip joints, then the mandatory adult bookshops, some
prostitutes tried unsuccesfully offering special rates to get rid of our
virginity. Before we knew, it was three in the morning, even Kings Cross
was getting ready to call it a night. I was down to my last twenty bucks,
so we bought a bottle of rum and a six pack, decided to drink and walk our
way to my place. We stopped at the Rushcutter's Bay Park, had to empty our
bladder. We sat on the lawn and Ben lit a joint. It was a moonless night,
only light came from the boats mooring nearby, and the amber tip of the
joint. Sipping the rum out of the bottle, we lay side by side in silence.
When the joint kicked in, we started giggling a bit, talking about our
soccer success, our losses, our injuries, who's getting laid, who's not,
our conversation taken up with reminiscences of our years of high school
life. Then I asked Ben what happened during the exam? Why such poor show?
Because he was one of the top students in our class.
"Personal stuffs". I didn't know he had any, I was curious.
"Tell me, I'm your good friend, remember?". Ben cleared his throat.
"Jamie, I think I'm gay"
"Yeah, I'm Mahatma Gandhi"
"No, I'm not joking, I should know about myself"
"You had too much to drink, what about Christina? You've been screwing her
since last year"
"Yes, I slept with her, but everytime I imagined I was screwing someone
else, and as a matter of fact, that person is right next to me"
"Ben, you are giving me the creep, this conversation is getting too fucking
"Jamie, hear me out, I might not have another chance to tell you this, I've
joined up the army and I'm flying out to the Darwin training camp next
week. I always get turn on by watching guys, especially you, that's why,
if you ever noticed, I was always the last one to get in the shower after
each soccer match, to avoid exposing my excitement in front of team mates.
I tried hard to control my urge, but I just couldn't stop it. I started
dating Christina, hoping it would help, but it didn't, you are still my
object of desire" Now that he mentioned it, I couldn't remember the last
time he joined me in the shower.
"Jamie, I have no control over this feeling for you, all I know is that I
want to be near you, perhaps that's love? I wish I know, and it just got
worst the last six months, I couldn't concentrate on my study, and the rest
is history. To proof my point, I'm getting a hard on right now" He took my
hand and placed it on top of his fly, I felt the lump, I jerked my hand
away as if branded by a hot iron. I took a huge gulp of the rum, and
another drag of the joint. I didn't know what to say, my best friend a
queer? We went slient. All I could hear was the beating of my heart, my
ear drums were hitting by the dull sounds of thump thump thump, fucking
hell, too much alcohol and grass.
Then I felt his hand rested on my chest, moving up and down ever so slowly,
after some minutes, it rested on my hard on. I couldn't remember when did
I get hard, his hand started kneading it, I wanted him to stop, but I was
paralyzed. I felt the dews on the grass, the cool lawn under me. I
smelled his warm breath, a mixture of rum and joint. My cock hit by the
cool air, then it was trapped in his hot palm, there was no escape. The
manipulation, the feeling of rough skin against my smooth one, the
sensation of my cock engulfed by a hot and moist cavity. Then the orgasm,
ripples in the pond, undulations of waves, one after the other, I lost
count, I didn't want it to stop.
The sound of distant traffic woke me out of my dream, what followed was a
cocktail of feelings, nausea, guilt, shame, betrayal. My best friend took
advantage of me, my manhood under threat. I was blinded with anger, I
hated this person who just gave me my first ever blow job, the best orgasm
in my life, I jumped up and heaped obscenity on Ben "you fucking queer, I
don't want to see your poofy face ever again, I should tell Christina about
you little cock sucking shit, and the army will never accept your kind of
arsehole as soldier" and started kicking Ben while he was still lying on
the lawn. He could've fought back, and had me beaten, as a goalie, he was 6
inches taller and 20 pounds heavier. He just lay there and took the
strikes, looked up with deep despairs in his eyes, pleading with me
silently. I walked off in my righteous strides without looking back.
Last year I heard from my old soccer mates that Ben became a member the
Special Force and being posted to East Timor on some reconnaissance
Wished I had acted differently, I was a young fool then, sorry Ben.
"Mr. James, a towel and tooth brush please?" "Sure, I'll get you one" I
passed one of Marrion's pink towel and gave him my own tooth brush, no
spare one, Tomas was not in my original living arrangement.
Tomas stood there naked, the dim bedside lamp illuminating his strong body,
the muscles generating moving shadows on him, small nipples dotted on the
chests with fine brown fuzz, thick pubic bush forming at the base of his
genital, low hanging cock swung while he was drying himself. Then he
turned around and brushed his teeth, those strong columns of thighs
supported those solid rounds of buttocks. He was humming some unfamiliar
tune while he was coming out of the bathroom.
Tomas chucked the towel on one of the chair, walked towards the vacant side
of the bed, no underpants, troublesome night ahead. The mattress sank when
he plunked himself in bed, our bodies touching. It felt so different from
Marrion's soft body, his furry, solid, bigger, heavier. Marrion generated
light sweet enticing fragrance, Tomas's smell was musky, animal like,
dangerous, challenging. My hard on tented the boxer shorts, no hiding
anymore. Tomas rolled onto his side, facing me, watching me, reaching out
for me. I felt his hand rubbing my nipples, pulling them, rolling them
between his fingers, I thought only women liked to have their nipples
played. Making downward circles, filling my belly button hole with his
little finger, burying his fingers into my pubic hairs, tingling my cock
with the back of his hand, our eyes met, we were trying to work out what
the other was thinking. He grabbed my cock, masturbating it slowly, I
closed my eyes, I was too ashame to let anyone know that I could accept
pleasure from another guy. His lips brushed mine, gently at first, licking
me with the tip of his tongue, probing, I opened my mouth slightly, he took
the hint, pushed his tongue passed my teeth, with him in charge. the
masturbation stopped, I let out a groan, he rolled on top of me, his hard
cock pressed down onto my belly, trying to poke a hole there. He grabbed
my head with both of his hands, kissing me in earnest, I was in good hands,
I could only respond, I followed the leader.
I pushed my cock upward, side by side with his, hairs mingled, cocks
sliding against each other, the coarse hairs on his thighs scratching me,
his weight crushing me, he was my gladiator, I was no match for this brute,
I was the under dog, ready to be slaughtered. He rested on his elbows,
licked my throat, my nipples, bit them, he pushed his nose into my pubs,
took in the smell of my crotch, I jumped when he used his stubbles to
brushed the tip of my cock, I pushed upward, asking for more. He grabbed
hold of it, used it like a brush, rubbed the tip against his chin, gently
at first, then harder and harder, I cried for mercy, I cried for relieve.
He took no notice. He licked its underside, took the head into his mouth,
sucked on the crown with glove like tightness, then he let it slipped out
of his mouth, continued his attention downwards, took one of my balls into
his mouth, then two, then came the suction, it was almost painful. He
lifted my legs over his shoulders, continued his journey. Found the small
opening, licked the hairs surrounding it, pulled at them playfully, then
came the hot tip of his tongue, licking, probing, wetting the ring. I had
to bite my lips hard in order not to scream out loud, the pleasure was too
much to bear. He let my legs down, swallowed my cock until his lips
touched the base, until I could offer no more, and, and, I felt the
invasion of his finger, forcing its way into the very core of my manhood,
trying to demolish the barrier of all my taboo, I was penetrated. I came
instanly, remembering that dark and moonless night, the morning dews, the
smell of grass, the sound of waves, Ben's hot mouth over my cock, my anger,
his despairs. But this time the pleasure was void of any feelings of guilt
or shame, pulse after pulse, it took over me. Yes, I understood, a man
could give another man pleasure, as natural as sun rise and sun set, as
natural as waves hitting the shore, as natural as life and death, without
guilt or remorse.
Tomas straddled my chest, I was looking up to the column of marble, the
huge red knob, lubricated by his pre-cum, glistering, displaying the glory
of manhood, pumped by those strong hair knuckles, a growl escaped him, like
the sound of a wounded giant, the hot come rained onto my face. Without
thinking, I licked the drop off my lips, acrid, but not unpleasant.
Wished I had acted differently, I was a young fool, sorry Ben.
(To be continued.......)