I could feel the rippling muscle under his uniform, and his smell, a
mixture of after shave and healthy male. I sensed that I was about to
spring a hard on, I let go of him quickly in case I embarrassed myself.
"Happy birthday Jamie"
"Good, good..to see you Ben, thanks, thanks for coming" I stammered. "When
did you get back"
"Last night" I smelled a rat, mother had been conspiring behind my back, I
should've known. Since my break up with Marrion, mother not once enquired
about how was it going between me and Marrion, so, she was well informed,
but not by me though, I hadn't told her about our breakup so far. Ben
returned home less than 24 hours and he was in our house greeting me, she
had been communicating with them behind by back for sure, she had some
explanation to do.
"Did you get my mail and email? They were sent some weeks ago"
"Our unit relied on satellite communication, personal emails were not
permitted, and there's no mail delivery at where I was, I got your message
in Dili after I returned base there"
"Anyway, I'll catch up with you later on" As my father and grand father
were waving for my attention over the other corner of the room. I
dutifully went over and sat between them. The wanted to find out why I
resigned from Loin & Loin. I told them the full story, and that I always
remember what grandpa taught me "Never shit on your own doorstep", full
stop. Grandpa slapped me on my knees, "Well done, boy, I always say you
are the smartest of the lot, tell me more about this Veronica bird" Both me
and my dad yelled at him "Grand, you dirty old man". I took a little peek
at Ben, who was in deep conversation with Tomas, what a stunning looking
pair. But if you asked me to choose, the uniform won outright.
I went into the kitchen to help mother to prepare dinner, and, to confront
her. She saw my face and knew what was coming.
"Jamie, I hope you don't mind me inviting Ben to join the party"
"Mother, how long have you two been communiting with each other?" Behind
"For almost ten years. It's not a le Carre novel, Jamie, there's no
conspiracy theory here. He came to me after that night of celebration of
your HSC success. He rang me the next morning and we had a long chat, and
we maintained contact after he joined the army" She was talking to Ben all
those years! Behind my back, and if that wasnt' conspiracy, then what was
"What was that long chat about? the one after the celebration"
"Oh, that, well, about everything"
"Jamie, I'm not taking side with either you or Ben, my thinking is that,
after all these years, it's time for you two to make up, Ben's sexuality
should not come between the friendship. You are no long a teenager, as a
matter of fact, happy 28th birthday again, and time to move on" What more
could I say?
"What about Marrion, you two have been talking behind my back as well?"
"Well, she's been complaining about you not willing to commit for years,
and asked me many times to interfere. But I never did, as you know. She
told me about the breakup after she returned from her holiday, not
unexpected really, after all you've been dangling her on tenderhooks for
years. So, what are you going to do now?"
"Mother, since you know everything about me, you tell me"
"Jamie, you are doing fine without my advice, just keep on being yourself,
and things will turn out OK. Anyway, dinner is ready" Not much of a
confrontation really, she won again.
Mother seated me right next to Ben, not interfering eh? My mother!
Conversation between me and Ben centered around his work, his mother,
suffering from high blood pressure and cholesterol. He was vague on the
nature of his deployment, except telling me the harsh environment over
there, insect bites, non-stop rain, hot and humid, happy to be home for a
two week break. He asked me about my life, pretty straight forward, very
boring, my last job, my next job, my breakup with Marrion, full stop, no
mention of the night with Tomas, not yet.
Everytime my leg bumped into his sped up my heart beat. I couldn't stop
looking into his eyes, a light shade of grey, at his full sensual lips,
reminded me of my first blow job, his long and strong fingers, not hairy
like Tomas', his tanned complexion.
"What about your love life? found anyone special yet?" He hesitated for
few seconds, "Yes, I have" My heart sanked, Oh well, cie la vie. There was
only one thing I needed to do, to apologize to him, and move on, in our
"Where are you staying?"
"I got myself a bunk at the Victoria Barrack for the night, tomorrow I'll
take a train heading back to Mom's place"
"You are welcome to stay here after visiting your mom"
"I might just take up that offer later on, thanks Jamie"
Tomas leaned over and whispered into my ears, "Mr. James, I think you love
him" I kicked him hard under the table and ignored him. Yes, but it was
ten years too late, opportunity missed. When we finished dinner, it was
well passed midnight. I told Ben I would give him a lift.
We were deep in our own thoughts, I was mourning the lost opportunity in
silence, I didn't know what he was thinking. Then I parked my car.
"Oh, Jamie, this is not the barrack, it's in the next suburb"
"Yes, I know, this is Rushcutter's Bay Park, where I let loose my outburst
ten years ago, and I think this will be the appropriate place and moment
for me to express apologize to you. I wish I had reacted differently then,
but I didn't, so, sorry Ben, and I wish you find happiness in your life and
"I'm not sure if happiness or despairs awaiting , because this special guy
doesn't even know I'm still in love with him"
I was confused, "I don't get you, Ben"
"Jamie, my feelings for you at this moment are exactly the same as those
ten years ago, I tried hard to forget you, I told myself it was just puppy
love, it would pass, time would heal, the pain would ease. I wished many
times I would be killed during my military missions, but I'm still here.
The pain eventually eased, but my feelings for you remain the same. I
still want to be with you, I still love you, that's why when your mother
invited me to your birthday party, I decided it would be my last chance to
find out one way or other, so, Jamie, what do you say?"
I was in a state of bewilderment, then followed by euphoria, my temples
throbbing madly, my heart beats went berserk, I was tongue-tied. Eternity,
time stopped for me. I waited until I regained my senses, I walked out of
the driver's side, I could see the uncertainty in his eyes, worrying I
might land a punch on his face? I opened his side of the door, took hold
of his hands, he was passive, all his energy used up by the declaration of
his love for me, I led him to lay onto the grass. Morning dews dampened
our trousers, breezes from the ocean rocked the branches above us, sounds
of waves splashing against the boats, the plovers squabbling with each
other, the illumination of the bright moon blanketed us, I could see the
shadowy grey of his eyes, and my own reflection.
I touched his face, rubbed the rough growth of his beard, wiped away the
tears, kissed him gently. He laid there, all passive, my soldier, I was
the commanding officer, he was under my order, my spell. I unbuttoned his
uniform, pulled up his white T-shirt, dark nipples contrasted the pale
skin, sprinkled with a fine layer of blond hairs. I ran my tongue over his
nipples, took in the hard tips and sucked on them, he groaned. I unbuckled
his belt, opened his fly, kneaded the chunky lump, felt the damp spot on
his boxer shorts. He was shivering, moaning quietly, I pressed my nose
onto the lump, inhaling the mixed smells of soap, sweat and musk. I freed
the cock from its confinement, long and circumcised, drop of precum
drooling down the trunk. Not thick like Tomas', more mangeable, and
longer. I spat in my palm, encased the crown with it, applying small and
slow movements, didn't want it to end too quickly. With my other hand, I
found the tight sac with solid balls, I rolled them, squeezed them, tugged
them, he was buckling.
He lifted himself to let me pull down his trousers, his cock cast a long
shadow over his belly, a pale column stood above a trimmed pubic bush, I
thought only porn stars did that. I licked the inside of his thighs, took
the balls into my mouth, sucked on them lightly, spat them out, sucked them
in again, blew hot air over them. He became impatient, he took hold of my
head and led me to his cock. My lips engulfed the crown, taking it inch by
inch, feeling the veins on the way down, it went in slow, it went in deep,
and deeper, I must relax, I wanted it all, but not to be, came a loud
groan, he discharged into my mouth, the crown expanded, the cock pulsed, I
was choking with his come, some escaped into my nostrils, some out of my
lips, it could have been like this ten years ago, better late than never.
He tried to get up and do me, no, I said, later. No need to rush.
We laid side by side, I wouldn't trade this moment for anything in this
world. The moon faded, the sky got brighter, tints of green, pink, yellow,
blue and red started to adorned the edge of the horizon, time to go home.
I drove him to my place, couldn't find the direction to the barrack.
(To be continued.......)