Monday, April 20, 2009

Confessions of a Fag Hag 3

Tonight Matt's band, "Stable Chaos," is playing at Drew's place.
It's Thanksgiving break, so we are celebrating since we have the week off
from school. Drew's Matt may be there, I'm not sure, but I do know that
folks like Jess and Priscilla will be around, as well as Julia and Austin.
I have heard the band play before, they play original songs and some rock
covers, and I don't really go for the music or the partying itself, but
more to support Matt and watch him shake his ass. He can dance quite well.
Even though he and Drew haven't known each other all that long, ever since
Drew heard Matt was in a band, he's been working with him to get the band
to play at this party. It makes me feel good to see my friends getting
along so well. Since it is Drew's party, I know it will be quite a mixed
crowd, with variations of mixed couples, but I've gotten used to that ever
since Drew came out to me and has been taking me around to his various hang
out spots, and introducing me to friends that he formerly had to keep
secret from all of us.

After Lila returned this afternoon, I headed home and got ready for
the party. I don't drink beer, so grabbed a Mike's Hard Limeade(tm) and
had a quick dinner. My stomach was a little nervous so I couldn't eat
much, but I tried to get down what I could. I was nervous about the
crowds, as I hate crowds of unknown people, a little nervous about having
Matt meet the rest of my friends, and especially nervous about how he might
treat me differently, or how I might look at him differently, after our
weekend. I calmed myself down by reminding myself that I would know most
of the people there, and that Drew was the one who invited Matt, meaning
Drew liked him, so everyone else should be cool with him too. He's a bit
cynical at times, and somewhat sarcastic, but no worse than Drew, so that
would be normal in our crowd of friends. My biggest fear was still how we
would be around each other after what we'd experienced yesterday, but I
told myself that it would be just fine, and walked out the door to my car.

Drew's place is a townhouse over in the Fan. Different than one
would normally expect when going to hear a band play, but if you push back
the furniture his living room is large enough to have a decent party. He's
also got a great backyard with a couple of trees that are at the peak of
their color this year. Of course, the party didn't start 'till 8pm, so
color on the trees didn't matter as it was quite dark by that time this
time of the year. He's got it well decorated, but it definitely is a
comfortable bachelor pad. I love coming over here to get away from my own
place sometimes. But, with a band setting up and the furniture all pushed
back, as well as a growing crowd of visitors, the place had quite a
different atmosphere than when I normally visit.

I walked in a little after 8, hoping the band hadn't started yet,
but also not wanting to be an early bird to the party. I had offered to
help Drew set up, but he said he had it under control, and wanted those
last moments of introvert time before everyone showed up and he had to be
party host for the rest of the evening. I saw Matt's ass sticking up as he
was bent over the sound board and wondered if I should go over to him or
just yell "Hey!" but Drew solved the problem by greeting me first.

"Hey Diana! Glad you made it." Drew waved from behind the bar in
the kitchen.

Matt stood up, his face a little red from bending over, and winked
at me, "Hey Diana. Thanks for setting this up between me and Drew. I'm
looking forward to the party." Then he smiled his cute smile, causing me
to blush, and took a step towards me.

Suddenly, my eyes were covered from behind and I heard Drew laugh
in the distance, "Guess who!" So, it wasn't him. Who could it be?

"Jess?" The hands covering my eyes shook my head "No." Hmm, they
looked like feminine hands. "Priscilla?" Again, my head shook "No." Grrr,
"Austin?" "No" again. Oh wait! "Julia!" I laughed and my head shook a
happy yes. She removed her hands and spun me around in a big hug. As she
lifted me up, I could see Matt smile over at me, and return to his work.
We'd connect again later, when he wasn't so busy.

Julia pulled me over to one of the couches back further away from
the band, and as she led me back, I threw a quick look back toward Matt and
frowned. He smiled and waved to go ahead and I sat down. Julia plopped
down beside me, threw an arm around my shoulder and drew me close. I gave
an involuntary shiver, but couldn't tell quite why. Thinking I was cold,
Julia drew in even closer, and rested my head on her shoulder, her head
resting against mine.

"So, how was the weekend?" she asked.

Not sure how much to share, I said, "Oh it was great. The horses
were fine and I had a beautiful weekend to stay there."

"And did Matt come by?" she probed.

"Yeah," I replied, trying not to blush or let myself get flushed.
I could feel the heat rising within me as I remembered Matt's visit.

"And?" Julia continued to press. "Did you two have a good time?"

"Yeah, we did. We spent all of Saturday together. He really
enjoyed seeing the horses. He'd never seen foals before, but he was a
natural with the older ones. The foals loved him as he played 'catch me if
you can' with them." I shared, hoping this would be enough information for

The crowd was beginning to grow and folks were standing around. I
could hear the band warming up and Matt testing the mikes. Just then Drew
came by and offered Julia and I something to drink. I pointed to the
Limeade that I'd brought and Julia asked for a Coke. Drew brought it back
shortly and she took a sip.

"How was your weekend?" I asked in return.

"We had a fun game night Friday," she replied, "But we missed
you. You always add a fun spin to our games," she smiled over at me. "I
missed you." She whispered, and began stroking my hair. I shivered again,
but knew it wasn't from the cold this time, as the crowd was growing ever
closer. "Come visit again soon, it's been a while since we caught up."

She lifted her head off mine and I looked over at her, "I will," I
whispered, and something in her eye, the look she gave me pulled hard at my

Suddenly, more than anything, I had this great desire to reach over and
kiss her. Instead, I wrapped my arms around her neck in a tight hug and
leaned my cheek against hers. It was very warm and soft, and she leaned in
tight, returning the hug. She started shaking lightly and it almost
sounded as if she was crying. But just then, the band began playing,
loudly, and she and I both jumped, breaking our embrace. She turned away
and pulled to the other side of the couch, which wasn't far considering it
was just a small loveseat, and I turned to see if I could see the band. No
luck there, the crowd had my view completely blocked. My mind raced.
Listen to Matt, or work with Julia to see what was wrong. My duty felt
toward Matt, but I had heard them before, so my heart, which was pulling
toward Julia, even with the little voice in the back of my head crying
"Danger! Danger!" won out, and I slid over to her. The lights went out, to
increase the effect of the band. The only lit places were right above
them, and over at the bar, where Drew was mixing up drinks, surrounded by a
couple of very cute men, whom I guessed were probably just as gay as he

"Julia," I leaned in and whispered in her ear, it almost felt like I was
shouting in order to be heard over the noise, "Julia! What's wrong?"

At first she ignored me, and I could tell she was crying harder. I tried
again, "Julia! Please, tell me what's wrong. Did I do something? Did I hurt
you? Did I do something wrong? Whatever it is, I'm sorry, please talk to

Suddenly, she whipped around, and the look of pure anguish on her face,
tears running down and cheeks all red, broke my heart. I had that feeling
that I just wanted to reach in and kiss her again. She was mouthing
something, but I could not hear her, so I leaned my ear close. "I
. . . I'm in love with you, Diana," she whispered, and I pulled back in
shock. Not shock at her words, but shock at how confused they made me.
She must have seen the look on my face, for she began to pull away again.

I reached out and touched her on the cheek and she stopped. Wiping a tear
from the tip of her nose, I reached forward and kissed the tip. It was
salty and damp from her tears. I moved to her cheek, kissing away those
tears as well, and realized I too was beginning to cry. Damn! I thought to
myself, what the hell is going on with me? To hell with it, I shouted
inside my mind, screw it all! I leaned in, the salt of both our tears now
on my lips, and kissed her mouth. She pushed into me, putting her hands
behind my head, and I wrapped my arms around her neck again. How natural
this felt, I thought to myself, but just yesterday I was doing the same
thing with Matt! What is wrong with me? Am I just a sympathetic lout, my
heart breaking at her tears? No, I'm afraid I do have feelings for Julia,
and that scares the hell out of me. Stop analyzing! I told myself. And
so, I did.

Just as I was about to begin to explore with my tongue, I saw Drew out of
the corner of my eye, standing there over us. Julia had her eyes closed,
tears still streaming forth, so she didn't see him. But I pulled back and
saw his stern look. As I did, she opened her eyes and gasped.

Drew leaned down to us, just as the first song finished and the crowd
applauded, "You two may want to work this out somewhere else. Right now
everyone is focused on the band, but someone might see you and wonder.
Then word would spread and think of Matt for a moment. I'm not judging
either of you, but I just don't want you to get yourself into deep shit,"
he directed the last comment directly at me. "Go upstairs to the guest
room, where everyone has been putting their coats, and figure out your
confusion there," he said, he must have seen that very emotion on both of
our faces, "Don't do this here," and he pulled us both up off the couch,
giving us another stern look as he sat down and pointed up the stairs.

"Come on, we need to talk," I mouthed at Julia as I began leading her
through the crowd to the stairwell.

I stopped at the bathroom at the top of the stairs and grabbed a roll of
TP, as I figured there might be more crying involved. Then I led her into
Drew's guestroom, locked the door behind us, and cleared a few coats off
the bed so we could sit down. Jumping up on the bed, I patted it, inviting
her to sit beside me.

"Julia, how long have you felt this way?" I asked, not sure how to begin.

"I, I'm not sure," she mumbled, still sobbing lightly. I reached out with
a wad of the TP and cleared some of the tears. Her nose was beginning to
run, so I handed it to her and she blew her nose with it. "I just realized
it Friday, when you mentioned what would be happening this weekend. When I
left after our conversation, I had this intense jealousy, and couldn't
figure out for the life of me why. Then I realized I wanted to be in
Matt's place. At first I thought I was jealous because you had a guy and I
didn't, but then I figured out it wasn't that at all. I didn't want you to
have a guy because I wanted to be with you. I, I'm not that way, Diana!
I'm not gay! But, but at the same time, I have these intense feelings for
you. Please forgive me."

"Julia, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. And one
of my closest friends. There is no need for forgiveness. I love you. At
that, she looked up and smiled, hesitantly, so I quickly added, "Not that
way, I don't think for, I love Matt too, and he turns me on so strongly it
isn't funny. But, I'll admit, when you said that downstairs, I suddenly
realized how beautiful, how attractive you were, and wanted, um, wanted you
to love me in the same way he does, scary as that sounds. I don't think
this can go anywhere Julia, I really don't, but, but at the same time, I
want it to. I don't want to hurt you," I got out, then started sobbing

Blowing my own nose, I heard her say, "Then please, love me."

Whether it was the plaintive note in her voice, or my own desires
overriding the thoughts that told me this was not a good idea, at that
moment, more than anything, that is exactly what I wanted to do. So,
continuing to explore my sexuality, that is exactly what I did.

Pushing more coats out of the way, I lay my head on one of the pillows, and
patted beside me. Julia lay down next to me and I leaned forward, meeting
her lips with mine. This time, I reached my tongue out and pressed it to
her teeth, and she opened her mouth, wherein I began to explore it. As I
moved my tongue around, she shivered, and I pulled her close to me, her
breasts pressing up under my own. Pulling back, I began to explore her
face with my tongue and lips, kissing her nose, her ears, and sucking
lightly on her earlobe. Gasping, she began exploring herself, nuzzling my
ear in return. I traced my tongue down to her neck, then her collarbone,
then slid down towards her stomach, tracing my hands down over her breasts
and along her side. She giggled and jumped as it tickled, then I reached
up under her shirt, placing my hands on her back and pressing my face into
her chest. She reached her hands back behind my head, pressing my face
into her, and I breathed in her sweet scent, forgetting my inhibitions.
She then reached down, pulling my own shirt up, and put her hands between
us on my stomach. Such warm hands she had! I felt guilty that mine were
always so chilly. I leaned back and she pushed her hands up under my bra,
cupping my nipples and began massaging them. I let out a quick gasp, and
she reached down, kissing me, this time using her tongue to explore my

Pulling back, I moved my face down towards her waist, then lifted her shirt
and began running my tongue over her stomach, while I reached up and
massaged her breasts in my hands. She pushed up into me, then moved her
hands down, running them over my ass outside my pants, then reaching back
up to my waist and sliding them down in over my bare cheeks. She pressed
me into her and I turned my head sideways, resting my cheek on her
stomach. I reached around and slid my fingers down onto her own cheeks,
pulling her back towards me, then slid my hands forward around her thighs.

Suddenly, she pulled back, warm hands still on my ass, and said, "Please
stop. Don't go further, I can't. Not right now, maybe not ever. I just

I looked up at her, "Okay, did we do too much?"

"No, no, this, this has been marvelous. I just can't bring myself to go
further right now. I'm so sorry."

"It's probably better this way," I said, bringing my hands back up to her
side. I slid up level with her again and embraced her in a hug, pressing
my ear to her collarbone. "We probably should stop. Can you rejoin the
party or do you need to stay here for a while?"

"I'm going to sit up here for a while, you go on down." I looked up at her
and she gave me one more kiss, which I returned.

"Okay, see you in a bit." Standing up, I opened the door, throwing one
last smile over my shoulder at Julia. I stepped out into the crush of
noise, then realized, a flush coming over my face, that I still had to face
Matt after all of this. Would he notice? For I sure as hell wasn't going
to tell him. Could I go back to where we were last night after this
experience with Julia? I walked back downstairs, scared to death at
finding out.

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