Monday, April 20, 2009

Love Hurts!

Carl arrived just after noon on the day before New
Years. He was early. I was having a party that night;
it was to be a strange combination of folk. I
intended to mix the church people, the business
swingers, even Carl and his wife were to stop by. That
was a courtesy invitation; they would leave before the
real party began. I was in the process of cleaning and
setting up.

I had not had a chance to shower or shave for his
visit. I opened the door, thinking it was a friend
dropping off food or wine. Instead, a big smile on
the face of the man I loved greeted me. After several
moments he asked, "May I come in?" With laughter, I
grabbed his hand pulled him through the door; in fact,
I pulled him into the bedroom. He followed willingly.
Carl kissed me; I kissed him. Hands moved everywhere
and clothes were shed into scrambled piles. This was
unusual for Carl as he was always fastidious. He
backed me to the edge of the bed and with a surprising
degree of roughness, pushed me down on to my back. He
fell on top of me and ground his crotch into mine.
His tongue forced entry into my mouth and I was
pleased and surprised at his ferocity.

I struggled free for a moment. This was different.
"Is something wrong? Are you mad at me?" I asked.

With anger in his voice he said, "Yes! YES! I
shouldn't be here." With a "Fuck You!" thought in my
head, I turned him quickly and I was on top. Being
younger, quicker and probably stronger, this was
easily accomplished. I took the lead and kissed him
in the same fashion in which he had kissed me, and I
fucked my cock into his middle-aged-man softened
belly. I kept at it till he responded in kind; until I
felt him lose all his inhibitions and self-control.

"You going to leave?" I asked in a low, man-in-charge
voice. Suddenly, his focus changed. He was teasing
me with fine, light touches and kissing me softly; I
hoped then and, even now, with love. All anger, all
resistance, all desire to dominate in me vanished. I
was like the old cliche, "Putty in his hands." All to
fast, he was back on top. He traced his finger tips
all over my chest and my belly while he continued to
use his mouth on my face and neck. His kisses varied
in length and pressure, his tongue flicked in and out,
he licked and probed with it. The fire within
threatened to consume me. I raised my legs and
wrapped them around him, my heels pushing his ass
cheeks into me. He started to turn me onto my
stomach. "No Carl, this way." I wanted to see his
face. This time, it would happen my way. His hand
took spit from his mouth and he wet himself. I did
the same. I wrapped my legs around him and again
pulled Carl into me; my hand guided his hard cock to
my boy cunt. He hesitated. I raised myself up, I
impaled myself on him. Carl closed his eyes and
pushed into me. He closed his eyes and that hurt me.
His cock hurt me. It had not hurt before; now his
cock hurt. I gasped, and turned my head from side to
side. Carl pulled out immediately. The hurt was not
from entry; it was from my thinking that I was just
being his anonymous fuck.

"I hurt you. I'm sorry. Here, turn over." He gently
rolled me and I let him place me on my stomach. He
entered me again. This time, it did not hurt, not as
much anyway. It did not feel good, either. He was
there; I was there; but it was not good for me. Carl
continued to fuck my ass. He began saying love words;
I relaxed; it began to feel better. He began to feel
better inside of me. Carl bent down and kissed my
shoulders, the back of my neck. I could feel his
passion building and that alone made me happy. His
strokes became slower and deeper and I, in an attempt
to show my willingness for what was happening to me,
met him thrust for thrust. the friction of sheet on
cock head increased and I was with him in those last
exquisite moments. Shortly after I felt the rapid
contractions of a shooting cock on my ass ring, I
myself laid down a trail of white boy juice on the
sheet below. "Good, I made you cum too!" he laughed
quietly. I thought to myself, yes, you and the sheet
did. Carl was happy and that pleased me. In just a
few minutes, his hands began to play with my body. He
teased my nipples, he rubbed my arms and my legs, and
he kissed me from my lips down to my navel. I took
his head and pushed him onto my cock. He took in just
the head and teased it with his tongue. I was hot,
very hot and I wanted to make love to his ass. I
climbed on top of him and divided his legs with my
knees. I reached down and tried to lift his legs; I
wanted his cunt. I wanted to love him in that way.
It was not to happen, not that time. He pulled his
legs from my hands and quickly slid beneath me till
his head was below my belly and my cock was in his
mouth. He had both hands around my shaft. I fucked,
oh yes I fucked him that way. He took half of me into
him. There was nothing again underneath me except
sheets and a pillow. The man below was a phantom. It
was good; it was excellent; but he was a phantom. I
gave him this second load in his mouth. He did not
take much time before he was in the bathroom. I heard
me, my cum and his mouth juices being spit into the
toilet bowl and then there was the sound of the flush.
I cared about this man; I cared deeply. This was
what he wanted and it was OK, it had to be OK.

On the way out the door, he turned and said, "I don't
know when we'll be able to get together again. I'm
going to be very busy. It's the start of a new year."
He kissed me, turned and part way down the walk, he
called, "I'll see you tonight!" His smile almost
melted me there to that spot.

The party went well. Carl and his wife arrived early
and left early. They had other obligations. Part of
me resented the fact that it was she with him, not I.
Before long, both bedrooms were busy. Tammy and I had
our turn, too. It was good with her. Sometime around
2:00 a.m. my cousin Fred and his bride-to-be offered
to drive Tammy home. She and Tammy were best of
friends. That would give me a chance to wind down and
pick up before climbing into bed.

Gene, an unattached member of our fellowship, offered
to stay and help pick up; I was glad of the offer.
Sometime after cleaning and another drink or two,
sometime after 3:00 a.m., he looked at me and said, "I
want to suck your cock. You don't have to do
anything." It was just like that, no warning, no
readable signs, no horse play, just a direct offer. I
stood up and led the way into the bedroom. I pulled
off the wrinkled and stained sheets that had not been
changed since Carl and heaven knows who else, pulled
up the blanket, and flopped down onto the bed with my
clothes on. "You going to undress, or will you "Let me
do it?" my new companion asked. I just smiled and
placed his hand on my zipper. I had only a little
guilt, not much. In just minutes we were both naked.
Gene was just a year or two older than I. He was
handsome, ruggedly masculine, and he knew how to
really suck cock. I just lay there, hands clasped
behind my head, and he did the work. This was my
fourth time for sex in fifteen hours and as I write
this I marvel at how well a young body works. It was
wonderful and I resisted my urge to respond, to caress
him or touch him in any way. It did not take long. I
started to grind upwards, to thrust, to twist from one
side to the other, to heave my body up into his face.
He just did it all. His hands fell away; they now
supported his body above me. There was only my cock
and his mouth and throat. Gene took all of me; he
took everything I could give him. I looked down and I
saw Gene, I saw Carl, then I saw Gene and then I saw

He climbed up next to me, relaxed his back, my arms
enclosed him and we fell asleep. Sometime in the
morning I awoke to find a "stranger" in my bed. His
back was to me and my hard cock was pressed between
his ass cheeks.

Carl, Carl? I almost said his name. I stirred just a
bit. He turned and kissed me on the mouth. "Morning
Stud!" he greeted me. It was Gene. "You remember me,
don't you?" My face must have been something to
behold. My expression could have been guilt. A hand
was on my cock, a tongue was between my lips, another
hand was teasing my nipples. That, even now, I
remember clearly. Had I spoken Carl's name, the whole
world would have known out little secret.

"Let's shower first," I managed to grin at him. We
quickly made our way, together. He and I peed in the
toilet at the same time. He shook my cock for me.
That was another first. The water from the shower,
hot and forceful, cleared my mind of cobwebs and
memories of the night before came back. A hand again
on my cock and another on my ass soon had my attention
and I offered the same to him. It would be a good

At my direction, Gene made the bed up fresh while I
started coffee. In just minutes we were back in each
others arms. I made love to Gene the way that I had
wanted to love Carl. We kissed, I stroked his cock
till he came in my hand and I used that to slick his
hole and to make me wet for him. He was on his back,
his legs spread wide and held back, and I entered Gene
with my eyes wide open; I looked directly into his
eyes. I cannot say that I did not see Carl there; I
am sure that the two images blended together. When I
had finished, Gene gave me a big hug and asked if we
could do it again. "Later." We would do it again and

As the next weeks passed, my feelings of guilt
lessened. I met with Carl several times in his
office. There was always another person close by. I
explained what had happened and he "was happy" for me.
In fact, he urged me on to bigger and more conquests.
I thought this strange; in fact, this bothered me.
Finally, sometime during the first week in February,
the call came. I still had the house and Carl wanted
to "visit" with me, a "pastoral call" was the way he
described it.
Once again I greeted him with a wet body and a
partially opened white robe. It had the desired
effect. I do not think it was what Carl wanted but
his resolve was weak. In just a few short moments we
were on the bed. I needed this man, I needed him in
my body and in my life. I would take him on what ever
terms he had to offer. To describe the sex that day
would be redundant. Thinking back, he was not all
that creative. But, it was good! Once again, Carl

On Valentine's Day, we had a dinner dance. I made a
mistake. During the hour before dinner, I let my hand
rest on Car's shoulder; it was there just for a
moment. He reached up, removed my hand and hissed in
the most ugly voice possible, "Don't touch me." I
felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I knew
then into what an impossible situation I had entered.
I must have turned white; Tammy wanted to know if I
was not well. My eyes met Carl's, I turned away. I
headed for the Men's Room, I needed to escape. I wet
my face, wiped away the tears and the water and looked
up to find him standing immediately behind me. "I'm
sorry; I should not have spoken to you like that. We
have to be so careful." He reached out and touched my
back. I pulled away. The tears came again. Carl
continued, "Please, please don't do this; don't be so
upset; please don't hate me."

All I could say was, "I don't hate you." The outer
door opened and I vanished into a stall. I waited
till the doors closed twice, left the stall, the Men's
Room and danced with Tammy. On Sunday, we pretended
once again. After church Carl apologized once more.
When he smiled, I had no other thought than how much I
loved this man. He then invited me to meet with the
national president of our denomination. On Thursday,
he would be a guest at Carl's home for dinner and we
would meet later in his office at the church. This
other man had been on local television often, he was a
leader in several political and religious movements.

I was pleased that Carl thought enough of me that he
wanted to introduce us. I arrived on time. Carl saw
to it that I was seated next to he "leader" on a couch
in his office. He then explained that Carl had told
him that I had entertained thoughts of the ministry
myself and that he had the opportunity to secure a
place for me in one of the better schools of theology
in the area, and at no tuition or fees. I was very
flattered. Carl knew, though, that I believed that my
prior history would not mix well with "the religious"
life. I started to stutter when attempting to say,
"Thank you, but no thank you."

"Relax son, Carl is an old friend; he has told me ALL
about you." There was a hand on my upper thigh. I
must have blushed furiously for both Carl and the
leader began to laugh at me. In a quick move, the
older man had my face between his hands and his lips
not more than an inch away from mine. "Carl, you were
absolutely right; he is beautiful," he said softly and
then I was being kissed. My reaction was immediate; I
kissed him back. Just as suddenly, I pulled back and
looked at Carl.

"It's all right, Bill. It's alright. I wanted you to
like each other." Carl finished speaking with his
lips on mine. In short order I was naked between
them. They had taken my clothes off; and soon, both
were as naked as I. The Leader dropped to his knees
and buried my boy cock deep in his throat; he did it
in one swift move. Carl's lips and hands were on my
nipples, my face, my arms and then my ass cheeks. He
was turning me so that I was on my side and so that he
was behind me. He was going to fuck me in front of
another man. I tightened my cheeks and did all that I
could to prevent that from happening. "Let me, let
me," he whispered in my ear.

"No, no, I can't," and I shoved my body back hard
against his to make it clear that it would not happen.

Carl was not angry, his face looked puzzled. His wet,
hard cock now slid between my thighs and my sac. His
dark red head rested just below my own and the Leader
began licking and tonguing and then sucking us both.
Carl increased the intensity of his fucking. It felt
good; his hot cock felt good between my legs and his
cock head was mashed next to mine in a tight mouth
space. I did not move. I let these two older men
take their pleasures. "Two beautiful boys, two
beautiful cocks," moaned the oldest and sucked us both
down into him again. I think I was the first to cum.
It was an amazingly erotic scene and one that I have
gone back to often in my memories. However, there was
great sadness inside of me. Carl had given me away;
he had invited a third person into my hopes of being
loved. This, along with the events of the last few
weeks, shattered my dream of "living happily ever
after." I knew then that it would only ever be a
fairy tale. I would meet the leader several more
times in the next few years. Sometimes sex happened.
It was good sex.

Later that spring, I was asked to attend a national
convention of ministers and religious lay leaders in
Atlantic City. I was to share a room with Carl. I
had all kinds of expectations. I arrived several
hours earlier than anticipated so obtained a key from
the desk. I went up in the elevator, entered the
room, stripped and showered, and made myself
comfortable on one of the two double beds. A key
turned in the lock and I opened my robe. Carl was not
alone! In a not too graceful move I covered myself.
Carl laughed and said, "Don't worry, we'll join you."
The guy with him was in his early thirties I would
find out later and a former priest. I remember that
because he described how he would get an erection when
he prepared the communion elements! Anyway, Carl had
told him I was going to be there and I think they had
had plans for a romp alone first. It became a
threesome. I can't remember his name; but he was from
Fairfax, Virginia. He was a polite southern gentleman
in all ways. He sucked us both and we both fucked
him. He marveled at how my cock stayed hard after the
first cumming and I was flattered. We exchanged phone
numbers and met the next time he was in Boston.

After he left, Carl and I made love; or I thought it
was love and not sex. It was love for me, anyway.
This time he looked at me while he took my ass. I
loved him still.

The next day I saw "Church People" in action. On
leaving meetings, badges were removed, ties placed in
pockets, and then all hell broke loose. That night,
Carl invited a second guy that he had met a few years
before to share. He was from Kansas City and I also
had him again a few months later. His wife was from
New Hampshire and they visited just before

He was Carl's age and not such a bottom. Yet, he took
what both Carl and I had to offer. We exchanged
places several times; we shifted from mouth to ass and
back again. Carl and I kissed passionately while we
each worked our cocks in and out of whatever hole we
found ourselves in. At one point, after Carl had done
all he could, Kansas City wanted kissing. He stuck
his tongue in my mouth and I bit it. "He yelped and
turning to Carl asked in an accusatory voice, "You
teach him to bite?"

Carl answered, "I taught him nothing. He came that
way. Amazing, isn't it?" The realization that I was
a prise was beginning to sink in. If it made Carl
happy and it felt good, I was happy I thought.

The next night, a world famous evangelist assumed the
podium. He held an altar call. I think I embarrassed
Carl when, with glee, I pointed out the two men who we
had shared previously. They were right up front. He
smiled and told me to be quiet. That night, I wound
up on my own. Carl introduced me to a couple in their
early forties. The husband took me by one arm and his
wife by the other. "Carl has told us all about you,"
she gushed in a soft, Texas accent. Before I knew it,
we three were in a large suite overlooking the ocean.
He was "Important." On the elevator, each of them had
a hand on my crotch and I had a hard on. In minutes,
once through the door now locked, I was naked. They
soon were as well. He watched me fuck his wife. She
watched me fuck her husband. The third round found me
me on my back with my tired cock in her cunt and his
face was in my ass; his tongue was licking my balls
and the base of cock as I entered and re-entered his
wife. Somewhere through the sounds of sex, I heard him
say, "Cum in my mouth this time, Cum in my mouth!"
Always willing to please, and ready to quit, I pulled
my tired cock out of her cunt and did just that.

"Now! Now! Now! I moaned. She lifted off of me and
two tongues and two greedy mouths sucked and ate at
the pig trough. As soon as it was polite to do so, I
said "Thank You" and made my way back to my own room.
When I entered, I found Carl involved with Fairfax,
Virginia. Frowning, I headed straight for the shower
without speaking. I heard Carl tell the other guy
that he thought it best for him to leave. Carl joined
me in the shower. "What have you done to me?" I asked
quietly as he began to scrub my body.

"Not anything that I thought you did not want," he

"Damn you, damn you, damn you! I only wanted you." I
was close to tears. Carl led me from the shower; he
dried my body, he took me to bed. He made love to me;
that time he made love to me. It was wonderful!

The next day, Sunday, we had a long ride home on a
bus. We choose the last seat; the ones on either side
and in front were empty. We talked for hours. Carl
told me that he thought I should get married. His
reason was that it would be a good cover, that I would
be a good husband, and that he was sure I would be a
great dad as his four children thought I was the
greatest. These things I believed myself. What he
said made sense. I did not love Tammy; but she would
be a good wife and mother. Just days later, I noticed
a discharge, there were yellow spots on my briefs. I
called him and he taught me about "milking." A quick
visit to a urologist and some pills relieved worry. I
had irritated the works by cold water swimming and by
sitting long hours on a bus.

That experience did bring Carl and me closer; we were
both worried about the consequences. The next few
months were routine. We met briefly at his office
once every two or three weeks or as often as time and
safety allowed and I continued on with the men and
women in my life. In late spring, Tammy and I parted
over something insignificant and I was relieved. Carl
and I had one other overnight; I went with him to open
his summer place. His wife had suggested that he
needed help and I was ready, willing and able. Again,
the marriage issue was brought up. Summer was
delightful. Carl was home alone most of the week as
his family stayed on the beach. How or why we were
not "discovered" was a miracle. When fall came, I
knew things would change.

One Sunday morning in the fall, I entered the meeting
hall at church and Carl motioned for me to join him in
conversation with a young, attractive woman. I had
been out the night before with Gene and was not in any
condition to play nice. I moved in the opposite
direction. "Bill, come over here, I want you to meet
someone!" he called in his best pastoral voice. I
complied. He had done it; he had found a wife for me.

We, Lois and I, became friends quickly. She was
bright, funny, creative and soon fell in love with me.
Lois told me that three months later. I was in love
with the idea of love and of finally being loved by
someone. Carl married us that next summer. Jackie,
now back from a two year stay in South America, was my
best man. Carl and I continued seeing each other up
until a few days before the ceremony. "I think it
best that we not see each other for awhile. You need
to concentrate on your marriage!" was how he put the
news to me that we were to end our relationship. He
knew best, I thought and so I agreed.

Lois and I had our first fight one Saturday in
October. Feeling great anger, I left to cool off and
went for a walk along the shore where I met a man. I
let him suck my cock. It happened just like that and
I wanted more. The guilt however plagued me so I
spoke to Carl the next day and told him I needed to
talk. We met Monday night at his office. It was true
confessions. Before conversation ended, my end was
exposed on his desk top and he screwed my ass. I felt
guilty so I let him fuck me once again. We were
together again and I wanted it to be so.

Gene had returned to his home town and Jackie now
wanted to take his place in my life. Lois worked
weekends and Jackie hoped that he and I could play on
Saturday mornings. I made a mistake; I told Carl what
was happening. He urged, he asked and then almost
insisted that I say yes to Jackie and that he be
allowed to join in the fun. Wanting to please, I made
the arrangements.

Jackie was a good cook; he brought Coffee Cake! He
arrived first and Carl was there just moments after.
I had not even had a chance to tell Jackie what was
about to happen. I think Jackie was suspicious of the
special relationship that Carl and I had; all doubts
were immediately removed as soon as the door shut
behind Carl. Carl took me into his arms and there, in
front of Jackie, he gave me one of the most passionate
kisses I had ever received. Was he marking his
territory like an Alpha Dog? I think so now. Next
Carl's hands were undoing my belt and my pants were at
my ankles. He turned to Jackie and asked simply, "Are
you going to join us?" Clothes were shed all the way
into the bedroom and in just a few moments we were all
on the bed. Cocks, hands, lips, and ass holes were
fair targets for any and all. Jackie, older and more
experienced soon had Carl on top of him and Carl's
cock buried deep in his ass. Jackie looked at me and
smiled. Both of them were very, very happy!

"Give me my favorite prick in the world," he said
softly, sensing that I was very tense and upset. It
was too late now to change course; I swallowed hard,
and stuck my cock in Jackie's mouth. I'm not sure
what Carl saw in my face. He reached out with both
hands and held it gently and pulled me towards him so
that our lips met. We kissed but I felt very
differently towards him. In those few minutes, my
understanding of the man grew and my appreciation of
the man diminished. All three of us climaxed quickly
and round two began. This time, I found my cock once
again in a familiar ass and Carl enjoyed the benefits
of Jackie's deep throat. Hands still caressed,
strayed over man tit and nipples and played with
Jackie's nice cock. At one point I moved behind Carl
while he fucked the face under him. My cum wet cock
slid up and downs Carl's crack and I actually placed
my mushroom head at his rim. He wiggled his ass
enough so that easy penetration would have been
difficult. Had I so desired, I could have jammed it
home. This was still not the way I wanted it to be.
My arms wound around Carl's chest, he turned his head
so that once again our tongues danced the dance and I
slid my hot cock up and down his ass crack until I
shot my load all over his back. He pulled out of
Jackie and let his man juice spurt all over Jackie's
belly and onto Jackie's cock. Carl then used both
hands and in a stroke or two, brought Jackie off with

This great fucking sex was to be repeated again and
again over the next year. Carl would occasionally
suck our younger cocks, but this was something I would
not do to Jackie or to Carl while Jackie was there. I
could not make this change. Carl and I were alone
perhaps once a month or every six weeks. The sex was
good, but it was different.

It took some time before I figured out that Carl and
Jackie were also having side meetings. I was angry
and I was hurt. I decided that the time had come for
me to just FUCK Carl. That is exactly what I wanted
to do to him; I did not want to make love with him
anymore, I wanted to FUCK him.

Summer came again and I had the opportunity to be
alone with Carl at the parsonage. His invitation was
simply, "I need to talk to you." Lois was at a
conference for her work so being away from home was
not a problem. That evening, he told me that he had
requested a new assignment, that he had candidated,
and that he would be leaving in just under four
months. I could not help it; tears came and began
running down my cheeks. "Don't cry, Baby, don't cry,"
he crooned in my ear. He had taken me into his arms
and was holding me tightly against him. I did not cry
as I remember. I do not think I said anything. Carl
took my hand and led me to the bedroom. He undressed
me first and then himself and drew me down onto the
bed. We kissed softly, his hands tenderly wandered
over my flesh and I burned for him. He was first on
top and then I was there. My knees parted his thighs
and my cock slipped under his ball sac. I continued
to pump there while resting on my elbows. This
allowed my fingers to tease and twist his chest flesh.
I had the feeling then that this time it would be
different. I moved my body back so that I was
kneeling in an upright position and I lifted his legs
out and apart. There was no resistance. I bent my
head down and kissed the head of a now very familiar
cock and then my tongue wandered down to his balls and
I toyed there for several moments. "Kiss me, Baby; I
need you to kiss me." he whispered. I did as I was
asked and this brought my cock hard against his crack.
He slid himself up and down and I leaked copious
amounts of pre-cum. My cock head sought his hole as
if it had a will all its own. It found its place and
I pressed gently. Carl reached up and his hands where
on my upper arms. My head slid easily through his
ring and Carl made no sound. He smiled and I nearly
shot my juice into him. I rested there, enjoying that
most wonderful of moments, that of first entry. He
raised his ass up to me; he took me in to his body. I
would have fallen onto him had he not supported me.
The loving began gently and built in speed and depth
of penetration. I fear that I became a wild man as I
have heard it described. I have no idea of how long
we coupled there. It was exquisite. I must have been
shouting for Carl pulled my mouth to his and
laughingly said, 'Quietly, you'll wake the neighbors!"
With his mouth on mine, and my tongue inside of his,
I exploded man seed into him. His cum escaped shortly
after when my belly ground against his hard cock. We
were finally one. We did it again and then again.
Carl did it to me and I wanted him to. Sometime before
midnight he sent me home. We kissed good bye and Carl
said that we would be together soon.

We did do it again over the next three months and it
was just the two of us. The last few times, he did not
take my ass. I asked no questions of Carl and I was no
longer seeing Jackie. My anger disappeared and once
more I knew that I loved him. I had a wife that I also
loved and I had family obligations. I think back and
am now grateful that he did leave. He was upwardly
mobile; I do not flatter myself by thinking that the
move was to save me.

I knew that my visit to his summer place would be our
final time together alone. The bed was different, but
sex was much like the time when I first took him.
Again, he did not try to fuck me. When we had
finished, he headed into the shower and told me to let
myself out. I tried to kiss him one last time. "No,
no, don't do that. I can't let you kiss me good bye."
He sobbed once and closed the bathroom door. With a
smile on my face, I did as I was told. On the quiet
ride home, I promised myself that I would never, ever
fall in love with any man again.

Lois and I attended the farewell party; we helped Carl
and his wife pack. We exchanged letters and then only
Christmas cards for several more years. I saw Carl
just once again when he returned to a church
anniversary celebration a few years later. The last
letter I received said that he had divorced and had
left the ministry. He died of AIDS in 1993. Jackie
died of AIDS in 1994.

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