Broken Hearts and Pieces
After a mostly sleepless night, Jerry woke the next day tired and achy. Emotionally, he felt outrage and sadness. At the first sound, he threw the alarm clock across the room and sat up on the side of the bed, thoroughly miserable.
Without thinking twice, he called in sick to the bank. “Well, I am sick, sick at heart,” he thought. Suddenly, he began to laugh hysterically at his melodrama. “Shit, I've been hurt worse than this.” Then, he sighed. “But not by Jay. Fuck!” Tears welled up in his eyes again. “Oh no you don't Jerry. You did enough of that crap last night.”
He staggered into the kitchen and mechanically drank a glass of juice and ate a piece of toast. His stomach rebelled immediately and he ran into the bathroom and barfed. He had always hated barfing. Not only did it feel awful, kneeling in front of the toilet was undignified. So, he decided to pull himself together. He brushed his teeth, shaved, showered and dressed. Feeling better physically, he sat in his favorite chair in the living room to think.
Fragments of thoughts came pouring into his mind. “How could I have allowed myself to be duped? Was I duped? Did Jay have sex with me and then drive over to her house to enjoy another round? Oops, don't go there. That hurts too much to even consider. No, Jay may be a horn dog, but that's not his style. I know him too well. He has a good soul, perhaps one of the few that I know to actually exist.” Jerry rose and paced the room. “Then what the fuck? How can he truly be IN love with two people at the same time?”
Not finding an answer to that question, he decided to go for a ride to clear his head.
He was just wheeling his bicycle out the door when the telephone rang. Hesitating, he heard the answering machine pick up—and Jay's voice. He closed the door behind him and spent the next two hours burning off several hundred calories. By focusing on his body, he was able to shove his confused thoughts and fragile emotions aside. But, he hadn't resolved anything; at best, he had only exhausted his muscles and his blood sugar level.
He took another shower and redressed. Cloying hunger gnawed at him. Setting aside the memory of his earlier experiment with food, he prepared a protein shake with vanilla ice cream and laced it with bananas, orange juice and wheat germ. Taking a deep breath, he took two experimental swallows and confirmed that it was going to stay down.
Smiling, he retired to the recliner in the living room to enjoy the rest of the drink. However, the incessant beeping of the answering machine reminded him that he had a decision to make: (1) To forget Jay and move on, or (2) to forgive Jay and try to retain him only as a friend. Neither choice appealed to him.
He listened to the beeping for another five minutes, sighed and pressed the 'Listen' button. “Jer, I called you at the bank this morning and they said you were not in the office today. I know that you're unhappy and confused. Well, so am I. But, please don't think I played you for a fool. Think about it; I wouldn't be calling you now if I had.” He paused, and then said in a low voice, “I'd really like to talk this out with you. Please give me a call. I love you. Bye.”
Jerry wiped moisture from his eyes. Damn! He wanted to keep Jay as a friend; they had a life long connection. But, how could he treat Jay merely as a friend when in his heart he wanted him as a lover? He would have to forget Jay. He reached over and pressed the 'Erase' button on the answering machine.
The next day, he went to work and actually got a lot of work done, more than making up for his day off. But, the minute he left the office a wave of frustration swamped him. Angry at himself, he went to the gym and indulged in a vigorous workout that ended with him punishing the punching bag for twenty minutes.
As he finally took mercy on the poor bag, the gym manager approached. “If you and Jay don't quit workin' that bag s' hard I'm gonna have 't buy a new one,” he growled with a smile. At Jerry's startled look, he continued. “Jay worked on that bag for near an hour this mornin'. 'Bout bounced it off the hook.”
“So,” Jerry thought, “Jay is as frustrated as I am.” He realized that Jay wasn't going to let the matter go and decided then that he would have to talk the situation out with him. All he would have to do is eventually force himself to pick up the telephone. But, the issue was taken out of his hands the next day.
After lunch, Jerry raised his eyes to see a police uniform standing in front of his desk. He looked up at Jay's impassive face and said, “I surrender officer.”
Jay frowned and said, “What?”
Jerry managed a sardonic smile. “You wanted to talk, right?” Jay nodded. “Okay, I surrender; let's talk.” He pointed and led the way to a nearby conference room.
They sat facing each other. The corner of Jay's mouth twitched up into what could have eventually been a smile. “Well, at least you're not yelling at me.”
Jerry actually did smile. “Jay, no matter how hard I tried to be mad at you, I couldn't be. God knows I tried. I wound up being more angry with myself. So, we had to talk; I just couldn't think of a way to simply walk out of your life. But, at the same time, I couldn't make myself pick up the phone to call you.” He looked down at his hands. “I'm glad you came by.”
Relief showed plainly on Jay's face. “Thanks. I'm glad you're willing to talk. I've been going through hell too.”
Jerry chuckled. “Yeah, I know. The gym manager was concerned for the safety of his punching bag. Seems you and I both took out our frustration on it.”
“Better than each other I guess.”
“How's your girlfriend taking this situation?”
“I haven't told Lisa about our relationship.” At Jerry's angry look, he hurried on. “After the way you reacted, I just wasn't prepared to have her respond the same way. But, I'll eventually have to figure out a way to tell her.”
“You look about as bad as I do. She's bound to know that something is wrong.”
“I haven't seen her. Just talked to her on the phone. And yeah, she's knows something's wrong. But, I just said that I had some personal problems to work out.”
Jerry returned to the subject at hand. “Look Jay, I said I can't just walk out of your life, but I can't just suddenly turn into your social friend either. How do we resolve this?”
Jay put his head in his hands and took a deep breath. “That's what's been tearing me apart. I want you in my life, as more than a friend. And I want you to accept my love for Lisa too. I can't choose between you.”
Jerry shook his head sadly and looked down. Suddenly inspired, Jay tried another approach. “Okay Jerry, how about meeting her? Just to get to know her.”
Jerry thought a minute. What did he have to loose? “Okay.”
“Great. We're having dinner at my place tonight. Come over about seven.”
Jay's smile was genuine. “Yeah, if I give you time to think about it, you might chicken out on me.”
They stood up and Jerry walked around the table smiling. He lightly punched Jay on the shoulder and said, “Asshole.”
By six thirty that evening, Jerry was a nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He had dressed and redressed three times. When he could stall no longer, he grabbed his car keys and drove to Jay's apartment.
Jay answered the bell smiling, but looking equally as nervous. He led Jerry into the dining room just as Lisa walked in from the kitchen drying her hands on a towel. With a whoop, she threw the towel into the air and yelled, “Jerry!”
An astonished Jerry said, “Lisa!” He turned and gave Jay a brief, incredulous look.
Laughing, Lisa said, “So YOU'RE the long lost Jerry he's been talking about non-stop.”
Smiling warmly, Jerry hugged Lisa and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
Jay's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. He was finally able to croak out, “You two already know each other?”
Lisa returned Jerry's hug and kiss. With his arm around her waist, Jerry turned to Jay. “Yes, she's my customer at the bank. I did some financing for her florist shop.”
Lisa chimed in, “When I wanted to buy the building next door and double the size of my shop, Jerry loaned me the money.”
Jerry continued, “And, she's one of my bicycle buddies. She's the only one I know who can climb Morgan Hill faster than I can. And, when she gets to the top, she's not even winded.”
A range of emotions played across Jay's face, then he just laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. Jerry observed this with more concern than amusement.
Moving smoothly into Hostess Mode, Lisa announced that dinner was ready. Lisa and Jerry talked animatedly all through the meal. Jay watched them closely. During the conversation, Jerry managed to keep tabs on each emotion that Jay displayed.
At one point, Jerry patted his lips with a napkin and asked. “Lisa, how did you and Jay meet?”
“He wandered into the shop one day to order a Mother's Day arrangement.” She smiled prettily at Jay. “The next day, he came in again to buy another arrangement.” She leaned confidentially toward Jerry. “He kept this up every couple of days for a week.” Jay began to blush furiously. “Finally, I suggested that he ask me for a date before his money ran out.”
Jerry chucked and looked pointedly at Jay. “Lisa, are you telling me that Jay was shy?” Jay gave Jerry a death stare, then presented the middle finger of his right hand. They all laugh.
After dinner, they pitched in to put away food and wash the dishes. Eventually, the evening wound down, and Jay walked Jerry and Lisa to their cars while each declared that a good time was had by all. Lisa gave them both a hug and a kiss on the lips, and they waved as she drove off.
Jerry's demeanor sobered as he turned to Jay. “Well, you certainly do have good taste. I can't think of a finer woman for you to fall in love with.” He looked intently into Jay's eyes. “Are you SURE you want to tell her about us?”
Jay replied passionately, “Yes! Now that I know that you two like each other, I want to try to work things out between the three of us.”
Jerry rolled his eyes in mock despair. “Well, I hope you've learned to perform miracles in the last four years. Whatever, she's sweet and loving, yet I know her to be a strong willed business woman who thinks things through before she acts. So, there's a really good chance that she will listen to what you have to say. Whether she will go along with it is another question.”
“All I ask is that you give me some time Jer.”
“I guess that's all we've got right now.” He smiled, got in his car and drove off.
Actually, it took considerably less time than Jerry anticipated. Jay called him early Friday morning with some news.
“Jerry, can you come over to Lisa's house tonight? We've been talking for most of the last two days and I think we've got things worked out.”
Jerry's stomach lurched. “She knows?”
“What did you do, have a true confession session with her?”
“Not hardly. As you said, she's a sharp cookie. As soon as you walked in the other night she tipped to the fact that something wasn't right and that my problem had something to do with you. So, she pulled it out of me.”
“Jeez, and she freaked. Right?”
“Wrong again Kemo Sabe. After she pulled my confession out of me, she told me how she feels about you.”
“Look, we can talk better in person and then all will be revealed. Just come over to her house about seven tonight.”
Jerry moved through the rest of the day in a fog punctuated with the most alarming thoughts. “She knows about me! She will never look at me the same way again! He said THEY had worked everything out. What did he mean? Does he plan to shack up with Lisa and me on alternate weekends? Oh shit, what am I gonna do?”
Six o'clock came all too soon. Once more he worked himself into a bundle of nerves. He showered, shaved and dressed. Then changed clothes again. Finally, he said 'fuck it' and changed into T-shirt, shorts and sneakers. If he was going to run the gauntlet, he was going to be comfortable doing it.
Lisa had a nice house with pretty grounds. He had been there before, several times, both as banker and bike buddy. He found Jay and Lisa also dressed in shorts and T-shirts and disturbingly relaxed. He was only slightly mollified when they each took one of his hands and gave him a kiss on the cheek. They seated him in the center of the couch and joined him there, one on either side.
Three glasses of wine waited on the coffee table. Lisa and Jay each took one and Lisa presented Jerry with the third. He joined them—for what reason he knew not—in holding his glass aloft. Jay and Lisa smiled at each other, then at him.
Lisa intoned, “Here's to a new, stronger, more loving relationship.” They each took a sip of their wine. It was not lost on Jerry that she had used the word 'relationship' in the singular.
So, he set his glass down and said, “Somebody want to tell me what's going on here?”
Lisa smiled lovingly at Jay, then said, “Jerry, Jay has told me that you two are lovers, and I understand that and accept it.” Jerry's eyes grew large. She took his hand. “I understand it because I know you both very well. I know that you are loving men with good souls.” She gave a small laugh. “Heck, when I met you and got to know you, I would have asked you for a date myself if I hadn't already been in love with Jay.”
“But Lisa, Jay says he's IN love with both of us. Doesn't that bother you?”
“Not after he explained it to me.”
Jerry gave Jay an exasperated look. Jay smiled and took Jerry's other hand. “Jer, I finally figured it out. Just listen and I'll try to explain. I've admired you all my life, your strength of character, your drive, your determination and most of all your goodness of heart. You didn't know it, but through our friendship you brought out those qualities in me. Even when you were being called names in school, you never quit. And neither did I, because of you. You kept me in school Jer.”
As Jerry started to respond, he continued. “You didn't know it, but I wanted to quit and run away from home many times. But our friendship and physical closeness kept me going until we graduated. Then, I just had to leave, to leave the loveless and abusive home life I had.” He squeezed Jerry's hand. “And, unfortunately we lost touch. When I saw you again at the bank that day, it all came back to me. I suspected that I was in love with you, then after we were together for a while I knew for sure.”
He had been leaning close, looking intently into Jerry's eyes. Now, he paused and looked at Lisa. “I love Lisa for the qualities she brings out in me too. They're different than yours. It's the gentle, loving sweetness that she brings out, that I never knew I had. I certainly never saw any of those qualities in my home life, so I never had the opportunity to exercise them, until I met her.”
He turned his attention back to Jerry. “We're lucky Jer. If Lisa hadn't already awakened true love in me, I might not have recognized the extent of my love for you, and I would have never been as intimate with you as I have.”
He squeezed Jerry's hand hard. “Jer, that's why I'm attracted to you sexually. The sex we have is just a physical expression of the love we have in our hearts for each other. And, as for loving both you and Lisa, love knows no limitations. I don't believe anyone is completely gay or completely straight. Love is love and I love you both.”
At this point, Jerry had not spoken, but his eyes told all, that he accepted Jay's explanation. Lisa squeezed his hand to get his attention.
“So you see Jerry, Jay has the best from the both of us. That's why I love him. And I understand why he loves you. And I can love you for the same reasons.” Jerry's eyes went wide.
In answer, she leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. He stared at her in wonder. Jay, in turn, kissed him too, but took him into a deep passionate kiss.
Then, it was Lisa's turn to claim a passionate kiss while Jay's hands began to caress his body. Jerry enjoyed it for a moment, but pulled away. He looked at them helplessly and stammered, “But...but...”
Lisa leaned close to Jerry's ear and whispered, “Neither Jay nor I have ever had sex with multiple partners either; but we both want this. Think about what Jay just said. Please join us.” She allowed the tip of her tongue to explore the ear into which she had been whispering, then nipped the lobe lightly with her teeth, and kissed her way down to explore the soft tissue of his neck.
Meanwhile, Jay had claimed Jerry's mouth while his hands found their way under his lover's T-shirt. Jay's fingertips pinched and stroked the large nipples that crowned Jerry's pectoral muscles. The fingers of his other hand found their way to Jerry's crotch and squeezed the erection there. Jerry moaned, surprised, unaware that he had become excited.
To reveal his own mounting passion, Jay took Jerry's left hand and placed it on the font of his shorts. Likewise, Lisa took Jerry's other hand and placed it on the front of her shorts. Emboldened by the waves of pleasure coursing through his own body, Jerry's hands began to squeeze and stroke them in a steady rhythm.
Jay broke their kiss just long enough to quickly take off Jerry's shirt, then resume. Lisa placed her face next to theirs and created a three-way kiss. Soon their tongues were dueling from mouth to mouth.
They came up for air smiling. Both Jay and Lisa ripped off their shirts while Jay moved to place Lisa in the center of the activity. He gently pulled Jerry's head down to her breast and joined him there to suckle. She groaned with pleasure as her busy hands found their cock-filled shorts once more. Jerry's hand had not ceased to massage the crotch of her shorts. A few minutes later, Lisa cried out in orgasm.
Jay and Jerry each kissed her, then each other. When her breathing returned to normal, she took them by the hand and led them into the bedroom. Eyes shining bright with passion, they finished undressing each other.
Lisa lay in the center of the bed holding a hard cock in each hand. Jay and Jerry reclined on either side kissing and exploring her body. Jay gently took Jerry's hand and lay it over Lisa's pubic mound. Like a puppet master, he manipulated his lover's fingers, exploring the folds of swollen tissue. Jay coached him to stroke her clitoris with his thumb and insert two fingers into her vagina. Then, he encouraged Jerry's hand to begin a gentle motion that brought Lisa to a second orgasm.
Jay moved Jerry into position over Lisa, and, as he settled himself on his elbows and knees, Jay tenderly inserted his penis into her. Jerry cried, “Oh God!” as his rock hard cock slowly sank into the soft tissue of a vagina for the first time. Lisa took Jerry's face between her hands and pulled him into the most loving, tender kiss she had ever given.
Jay was beside himself with desire as he saw his lover mount Lisa. He raised her legs to allow Jerry deeper penetration. Then, he caressed and massaged Jerry's buttocks and hips, gently urging him to thrust. Jay almost reached orgasm as he saw the muscles of Jerry's back, buttocks and legs begin to flex.
Both of the lovers began to moan as Jerry's pubic bone ground into Lisa's clitoris and her vaginal muscles rhythmically gripped and tugged at Jerry's hard penis. Instinctively, he began to move his hips in a circle as he stroked, increasing both their pleasure. Their kiss broke as each gasped for air. Lisa's fingernails raked the muscles of Jerry's back while he rested his head on her shoulder. They shut their eyes tightly, concentrating solely on their coupling.
Jay watched in fascination. His fingers explored, stroking and caressing the place of their joining. Unable to contain himself, he licked and kissed his way up Jerry's body from his butt to his neck. He lay down beside them, watching their faces intently as his fingers stroked their bodies.
At length, their passion crested and broke over them in simultaneous orgasms. Their bodies froze in place as they cried out. Slowly, they relaxed and Jerry lay full length on his first female lover, tears pouring down his face. Lisa and Jay wiped them away and drew him into another three-way kiss. Lisa and Jerry's bodies continued to shudder in aftershock until Jay tenderly pulled his male love away and settled him beside Lisa. Then Jay knelt between their legs and lovingly cleaned them with his mouth.
When his ablutions were completed, they lay Jay between them and began to lave his genitals with their lips. (He immediately began to shudder with anticipation, for his orgasm was too long delayed.) Jerry sucked his lover's nuts into his mouth while Lisa drew his dick into her mouth. Their lips met where Jay's cock and ball sack joined and their tongues began to play. Looking down his body, Jay took in this erotic sight. Overwhelmed by a tidal wave of lust at the sight of his two loves, his body began to quake. Jerry felt Jay's nuts roil with activity, and Lisa felt his cock swell in her mouth. Jay gave a mighty cry and she felt his cum thundering down its tube into her mouth.
The only sounds in the room were Jay's small whimpers as Lisa and Jerry continued to massage his family jewels with their throats. Finally, he sat up and pulled them from him. They lay down beside him until he fully recovered.
Lisa moved from the bed saying, “I need to freshen up a bit.”
While they were alone, Jay took the opportunity to study Jerry's happy face. “I'm glad you're enjoying this. I don't know what I would have done if you had freaked out and run.”
Jerry smiled reassuringly. “As long as you're here to inspire me, I'll enjoy myself.”
Lisa rejoined them on the bed and gave each boy a kiss on the cheek. Exhausted, they lay together, Jerry on his back holding a lover on each side. Lisa and Jay kissed him. Eyes shining, Jay said, “Thank you Jer. You've made my life complete.”
Lisa smiled up at Jerry and added, “I thank you too. You belong here.”
Jerry signed and replied, “I hope so. If what we shared tonight is an indication, I'm going to begin to believe it.”
Lisa turned off the bedside lamp and pulled the covers over them. As they drifted off to sleep, Jerry thought, “I want this to happen. I want to be lovers with both of them. But I wonder if I can become sexually aroused with Lisa alone.”
To be continued. Chapter Four, Reconciliation, will be posted shortly.